My Pledge to America

The GOP recently published their Pledge to America, which is more or less telling people they are going to keep doing what they have been doing for over a decade. But after  looking at what is essentially a piece of political masturbation, I’ve wondered why I can’t have my own Pledge to America. Now granted, there is no chance of me ever getting elected to political office (especially since I’m not running for one), but that is no reason why I can’t address how I would work my gritty reboot of the American Process. And if you actually like what I say, sign it in the comment section (and who knows, may be the half dozen signers and myself could go grab dinner somewhere and complain about why everything is going wrong).

So without further Ado, I present my Pledge to The American People:

I pledge that should America be foolish enough to elect me to political office, pursue change according the following goals and ideals:

1) In America, we don’t have an Aristocracy or a caste system. Every person has the right to access the same rights and privileges as every other person regardless of how they are born. A right can only be revoked if a person abuses that particular right. People will not be denied their rights just because they were born into a specific ethnic, religious, or economic group, nor because of gender or sexual identity.

2) Smaller government begins with stopping government from regulating what consenting adults do alone or with each other. I don’t smoke pot, I don’t think anyone should smoke pot, but if my next door neighbor wants to smoke up in his own house and stay there, it doesn’t hurt anyone and shouldn’t cost tens of thousands of dollars to arrest, try, and incarcerate him. If he tries to drive or sell to children, then treat him the way you would if he did the same thing with alcohol. If two men want to make out or have sex, I don’t want to see it, but hell, its not hurting me, nor is it affecting your marriage. If two women want to make out or have sex… ok, I may want to see that…

3) All government leaders will have their income restricted to that of national per capita income. I am sick and tired of our wealthy leaders sticking up for the interests of the wealthy and screwing the middle class and the poor. If congress wants a raise, then they have to raise the average American income in the process.

4) The amount of money a corporation can donate to a cause is now directly proportional to the percentage of share holders who agree to make that contribution. If I decide to buy stock in Big Box Mart, I don’t want to find out they’ve been contributing to the “kick a kitten” lobby. Corporations are collections of people, not people themselves, and the voice of the collective needs to be heard before you throw out the cash.

5) You can now donate time to soup kitchens and other public service projects in lieu of paying welfare taxes. This way, if you don’t think its the government’s place to  help the poor and the starving, you can take the initiative to do address the problem on your own and keep the government out of the equation. If you have a problem with this, tough. 16 million children should not have to starve to death in this country just because you want to be a selfish bastard

6) Amnesty to current undocumented workers, and a new Visa program to incoming workers. Once we document who is here, we can focus on the real criminals and ignore the people who are doing hard work for lousy pay so their kids don’t starve. Saying that nonviolent undocumented workers are criminals merely because we made the law is a circular argument. Also, they are not a drain on society, and may actually grow the local economies. Lets focus on taking care of the real criminals and security risks, and stop wasting tax dollars on harmless families.

7) If you want deregulation, the responsibility is on you to prove you aren’t going to abuse the system again. Government regulations don’t appear overnight, they developed because you once had the freedom and abused the hell out of it. If you want that freedom again, you have to prove you can play nice without someone looking over your shoulder.

8 ) All firearms should not be banned, but lets have some common sense here. If you’ve proven that you can’t be responsible with a firearm, you should not be allowed to have firearms. The government asking you to take basic safety precautions on gun safety is just making sure you are being responsible. And there is no need for you to own a machine gun, p90, or rocket launcher, but if you really want to get your hands on one, we have a really good organization you can join that will train you to use all of that.

9)Speaking of the Armed Forces. We will not commit to a war unless we can commit to taking care of our soldiers during and after they serve. If you think body armor and VA hospitals are too expensive to fund, don’t declare unnecessary wars.

10) All media will now have to prove they have the right to call themselves the names they do. You are now not allowed to call yourself a news organization unless at least 75% of what you report are verifiable facts. Similarly, all political organizations will be required to publish their demographic make-up on the front pages of their web sites, so we get to see which groups are actually funded by rich corporate fatcats who are trying to convince you to screw yourself into poverty.

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